


Between England and Spain

by wantadonut



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-13
Updated: 2011-07-13
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantadonut/pseuds/wantadonut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a world falls apart, people are trapped in its ruins. Especially three spanish footballers living in England.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between England and Spain

# When a world falls apart, people are trapped in its ruins.

 

That’s pretty much how Cesc feels. Trapped in his world’s ruins. He knows that when people decide to go, the best is to let them leave. He knows that when the love they have is true, they’ll make it through the distance.

But does it all apply for him too? He’s the one leaving and the decision wasn’t made by him. His beloved person doesn’t know how he feels and if they did, Cesc is not sure it would be reciprocated.

He fears the day he goes back. He fears it because he knows it is inevitable. National duty would come and he feared it with all his heart.

It comforts him when he remembers the other Spaniard living just a few miles apart from him. But even though Xabi always manages to come and visit, all his fears come back at the sight of Liverpool’s Captain Fantastic on his doorstep. Because even though Xabi misses Spain, Cesc knows that England is now his home – wherever Steven Gerrard is, that’s where home will be to his compatriot.

But Cesc doesn’t have it. His home will always be Spain. He accepted every time the tears began falling, and he cherished the moment – they were the only times he could taste the salty water that reminded him of Barcelona.

 

-

 

The first time he goes back to Spain, he’s still in the UK soil. But he feels at ease with the language, he feels the warmth of the accents he missed so much. He can almost feel his skin burning under Spain's’s Sun.

He missed all this friends. But mostly he missed Piqué and his strong and though body. He missed his laugh, his arms wrapped around Cesc every time they were close enough. He missed his smile, always so inviting. And, God, how he missed those eyes. That was the biggest proof he belonged to Spain – Piqué’s eyes were like the ocean. Full of mystery and yet so beautifully unique. He never found a proper color to define those iris – they would always be Piqué’s blue.  

So when they lose to Barca, his chest hurts. And it hurts so much he is sure everyone can hear it shattering. Because he’d come all the way to England to win, not to lose. He left Barca - his beloved club, his beloved Piqué - to become a winner on his own. His dreams were all destroyed with the loss. Because due to that, the truth was suddenly evident: he shouldn’t have left.

Suddenly Piqué’s arms are on him, supporting him, giving him hope. They both know that’s not Piqué’s role anymore – actually, was it ever his? They know Piqué should be celebrating and will eventually be punished by it, but they can’t stop it.

Cesc is so caught up in the moment, he can’t help but hug him back with all the love he feels for the big Spaniard. He can’t stop himself from hiding his teary eyes in the end of Piqué’s neck. There are so many things he wants to say but so little time – so little courage.

He wants to say “I’m sorry I left”, he wants to be angry and demand “You were supposed to be my best friend and not let me leave!”, he wants to cry “I’m useless, I’m no captain” and beg “Take me home with you”.

He does nothing, though. He just inhales Piqué’s scent. It’s something from Armani mixed with sweat. Cesc is sure this is the best thing he’s ever breathed.

But suddenly Piqué is speaking. Suddenly there are hands on his face, lifting his chin and he can’t help but lose himself in those eyes.

“Thank you for not telling me you were leaving.”

Cesc is sure the hole in his chest just got deeper. He tries to break away from Piqué’s touch, only to find himself easily forced to stay. There’s no sarcasm in Piqué’s voice and maybe that’s the worse in it.

“Because if you did,” the defender continued, “I wouldn’t have let you come to this shitty country.” There’s something similar to hate on Gerard’s last words.

Cesc doesn’t understand what this all means. He notices Piqué isn’t done yet and he almost closes his eyes when the other Spaniard’s thumb caresses his cheek.

“And if you hadn’t come here, I’m not sure I’d be this proud of you. You changed so much and still you’re the same Cesc. My Cesc.”

Piqué smiles and Cesc does too. Now the pain seems close to bearable. It feels almost right to feel it.

So when he lets Gerard go with the promise of calling later, he knows that even though he surely isn’t calling the taller one, he’ll spend the night wide awake thinking about him, his hands and his eyes.

 

-

 

When Fernando comes to England, he feels the pain for him. Every time they meet for drinks, the subtle mentions of Sergio are enough to make the freckled man drop his mask of indifference.

Cesc would never understand how much pain there was between Spain and England. He’d give anything not to feel. He’d do anything to have his heart numbed.

“I hate Xabi,” Fernando says during their last encounter.

“No, you don’t,” he says back, his eyebrows raised, confused but sure.

He’d never seen Fernando drink this much.

“He’s leaving, Cesc. He’s going back to Madrid.”

He’d never drink this much either.

He had thought his pain had decreased, but it had only hid to strike with double force, like it was doing now. He desperately wanted to change places with Xabi. Hell, he’d go to fucking Real Madrid if he had to. He just wanted to go back to Spain.

But Xabi going back meant he’d leave Stevie. It meant more pain. More heart break and sorrow.

“Why would he leave? His home is with Stevie, Nando. Why is he doing this?”

They are holding onto each other while they enter Cesc’s house. They lay together, tears drenching their pillows. Before they sleep, though, Nando answers him.

“Because that’s what we do, isn’t it, Cesc? We are footballers. We leave.”

Even though he agrees with the blond one, he thinks it’s more than that. So before they fall asleep, Cesc snuggles closer to El Niño and whispers.

“What we do is hurt, Niño.”

 

-

 

National duty comes. Piqué smiles when he sees him. He smiles despite the pain. He hugs Cesc with all the longing he felt. And Cesc finally feels his heart beat with ease.

“I don’t care what Bojan says, you are going to be my roomie.” Piqué inhales his scent, burying his face in Cesc’s hair, and even though the hug is lasting more than the normal – Piqué is a hugger and everyone knows that – Cesc is not the one who will complain. Surprising, none of his team mates do, either.

Apparently, they are all too busy trying to calm Sergio down. His reunion with Fernando was being heated, both close to tears and Sergio doing all the yelling. He knows that soon they will leave together to talk properly, they’ll go to the bathroom or ask for a private room, but now it hurts to see how attached they were to each other. He knew Fernando’s feelings, but he would never have guessed Sergio was so far gone for the Spanish striker.

 

-

 

They first kiss after the Swiss loss. Piqué blames himself for the defeat, saying he should have listened to Puyol, he should have followed his Barca captain’s advices, and Cesc is hugging him, standing on the tip of his feet to lace Piqué’s shoulders with his arms.

They start pulling apart from the hug when Piqué’s hand come rest on Cesc’s cheek. He unconsciously leans into the touch, half closing his eyelids and then Gerard’s lips are on his. He can’t believe it until it’s over, Puyol entering the room to ask for Piqué’s help with something out of his reach in his own bedroom.

When Piqué is back, Cesc is in his bed, eyes closed, waiting for sleep to come. He feels Piqué’s warm breath on his neck, and suddenly there he is, beneath his sheets, sleeping with him.

The next day, Cesc thinks he dreamed about falling asleep cuddling with Piqué, only to find the other man shaving in the bathroom only with his boxers on. And even though he’s covered in shaving cream, Cesc cups his face and gives him a long peck on the lips.

“Just to make sure it wasn’t a dream.”

 

-

 

Cesc is having breakfast with Fernando and he notices how the striker keeps staring at Xabi. He knows he should stop Nando before he does something stupid – lately Fernando had been doing lots of stupid things, like fighting with Sergio over nothing just because he was afraid of loving him too much again, but Cesc knew it was impossible, he’d already seen all the love hid behind Nando’s eyelids. He doesn’t tell Fernando, though, because he’s sure the other guy knows it – he just pretends he doesn’t.

So when Fernando start talking, Cesc wants to punch himself, because he should have seen it coming. “Why did you leave?”

The midfielder’s eyes grow wide as if he doesn’t believe the other Spaniard is saying that. “Come again?”

“Why did you leave Stevie? You had it perfect, you and him. Why did you hurt him like that?”

Cesc can feel his own hurt bowling inside his stomach.

“I think you know the answer, Fernando. You did the same thing, didn’t you? Sergio is not exactly happy right now, is he?”

Cesc will never be able to explain how surprised he was with Xabi’s answer. Because that was not Xabi at all – he’d never use words like that, he’d always be calm and understanding. Polite.

So when Fernando looks back at him, his eyes teary and hurt, Cesc notices the tears trailing down his own cheek. He cleans them away before standing up and he’d have left if Xabi hadn’t stopped him with more words.

More truth.

“We all know why I left. Love scares us and we know how being a coward is. So we choose the easier way- or at least that’s what we think. Because it hurts. And it hurts so much that we know we are going back somehow and we’re even more afraid, because we don’t know if we’ll be taken back, right? We can only hope our fear didn’t ruin it all.” 

All of them are crying now and Cesc notices what is happening there. They are agreeing to fight.

 

-

 

The first time they make love, they are not Cesc Fábregas, Arsenal’s Spaniard captain, and Gerard Piqué, Barcelona’s defense wall. The first time they fully give one to another, they are World Champions.

When they leave Africa, it’s no more “Goodbye” that they say, it’s “See you the first break I get”, it’s “I’ll miss you everyday”, it’s “I love you so much”.

They don’t worry about distance anymore and as they say their goodbyes, they can see a shadow that looks too much like Steven Gerrard watching them, waiting. Waiting for Xabi to come back, launch himself into his arms like he is doing now, love him back and never let go again.

And Fernando and Sergio were talking, not fighting anymore, just loving. They pretend they didn’t see Fernando’s eyes full of tears or Sergio’s lips trembling while they kiss each other’s cheeks tenderly. Cesc and Piqué smile to each other and while they hug one last time, they whisper their loves again and again.

Cesc and Fernando are smiling when they enter the other terminal with Stevie and Xabi. Finally, everything is ok.

 

They’ve come to learn that between Spain and England there’s more than pain and more than love – there was forever.   




**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes.


End file.
